Save Me
by rojo94
Summary: Ellie's been doing so well in life, but what will stop her in her tracks? Warning, cutting, rape. Rated for later chaps. Sellie. FIRST FIC, be nice please.
1. I Don't Want to Remember

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own Degrassi. If I did…Well, you'll find out.

**Author's Note:** This story contains graphic self-mutilation. Possible trigger.

**Summary:** Ellie has been doing so well in life, but what will stop her in her tracks? Who will come to save her? Warning, cutting, rape. FIRST FANFIC, be nice.

"dialogue"

**POV Marker**

_Thoughts/Flashbacks_

_Journal Entries_

Chapter 1

I Don't Want to Remember

Ellie rocked back and forth, refusing to remember, at the same time unavoidably doing so. She couldn't bear the thought of him, but she couldn't escape it.

_Flashback_

_ "You're mine, Ellie," he had said._

_ "No, please...please don't..." she begged._

_ He slammed her onto his bed, holding her down, and proceeded to tear off her clothes._

_"Show me you love me," he gurgled drunkenly._

_ "No...I'm not...I'm not ready!" she whispered, too terrified to scream. There was nothing he could do. After missing a few times in his drunkenness, he entered her forcefully. Thrust after thrust burned her lower region until he orgasmed and pushed her off his bed. She took this chance to leave as quickly as she could._

_End Flashback_

She couldn't stand it. The rush of feeling so violated was going to kill her. _No one's home,_ she thought. Ellie ran down the small, empty hallway to the bathroom. Searching wildly, she found a bag of disposable razors. She took one, broke it open, and gingerly pulled off one of the blades. She slid it on her wrist, and waited those few brutal seconds before the blood began to flow. It slid in one long, snaked drop down to her elbow. To her, it was so relieving...so she made another cut, and another. Then, wanting to release it all, she carved his name across her wrist in fair-sized letters:

_JESSE._


	2. What If You Broke Me Down?

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own Degrassi. Sob.

**Author's Note:** This story contains graphic self-mutilation. Possible trigger.

"dialogue"

**POV Marker**

_Thoughts/Flashbacks_

_Journal Entries/Notes_

Chapter 2

What If You Broke Me Down?

Ellie sat in the bathroom, as if in a daze. At first she didn't realize what this was. Then, snapping out of her lapse in thought, she gasped. After a year, she'd actually relapsed. She cursed herself for not talking to someone, not seeking help for her pain before she took it out on herself. _I could have called Marco, or, God forbid, Paige. What's wrong with me? What will happen when they notice? _Ellie thought worriedly. She also wondered what she would do. Jesse had stolen one of the few things she had been holding on to: her virginity. Sean had asked her if she wanted to, but never pushed her. And he never would have done this. What would she do? It had only been yesterday, and she'd been so out of it she didn't change clothes.

Ellie knew the answer to that question before she finished contemplating it. She knew Jesse had to be punished. And she had to know if...No. She couldn't think about that now. She left a note for Marco and Paige:

_M & P-_

_I've gone out. It's important. Talk later._

_-E_

She grabbed her bag and headed out the door to flag a cab to the nearest clinic.

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Upon arriving at the clinic, Ellie almost couldn't move. She didn't notice the cab hadn't left until she heard the driver's voice.

"You wanna go back, kid?" he rasped.

"No, thank you," she said quietly. He sped off, and Ellie coughed from the exhaust.

She stared blankly at the large letters at the front of the clinic, then at the doors. She had to go in...Finally, she forced herself to enter. She began to sweat as she walked up to the front desk.

"My name is Ellie Nash, I need to see a gynecologist," she said nervously.

"Alright Miss Nash. Dr. Hetzinger will see you soon," the young receptionist squeaked.

The wait was shorter than Ellie had expected. Twelve minutes later, a nurse called her in and led her down a hall to a room. She told her to wait for the doctor there. Ellie took a seat on the patients' bed. She waited apprehensively, looking downward, but at last the doctor came.

"Hello Ellie, do you mind if I call you Ellie?" the doctor greeted her. _It's a woman, thank God,_ Ellie thought, feeling very relieved.

"It's okay," she whispered, keeping her eyes to her boots.

"Hey there, why so glum?" Dr. Hetzinger asked, trying to cheer Ellie up.

"There's a reason I'm here. I was...I was raped," Ellie said, starting to cry.

"I'm so sorry. I'll need to collect samples from your body. Do you know who did it?"

"M-my boyfriend, Jesse. He was dr-drunk."

"Okay. I'll be right back, I need to get the blacklight."

Dr. Hetzinger left momentarily, and came back carrying, with assistance from a male nurse, a blacklight and a hospital johnny. That exam went uneventfully, though Ellie was surprised at what she saw on her skin under the blacklight. She wanted to mutilate it, make it go away. Then the doctor drew her blood. This, too, Ellie complied with.

"You're doing great, Ellie," the doctor soothed her, "Now all that's left is the pelvic exam,"

"What?" Ellie asked, confused.

"I'll need to check your genitalia for evidence of rape, such as blood, bruising..." The doctor's words faded away as Ellie began to shake. No one had seen her parts since Jesse had raped her. Dr. Hetzinger did her best to comfort the redhead, who eventually was ready. Examining her, the doctor was surprised at how much damage had been done to this young woman.

"I'm seeing some blood, cuts, bruises, semen...This will all be a part of my notes for your rape kit," the doctor explained.

"So there's evidence if I want to...press charges?"

"In this case, yes. Is that what you want? The hospital can call the police to come talk to you."

"Yes, please, as long as I can get my clothes back."

"I'm sorry, we have to keep your clothes as evidence. Is there anyone who lives with you that you can call to bring you some clothes?"

"Yes. Where's the phone?"

"Right here," Dr. Hetzinger said, pointing to a phone on the wall. "I'll leave you alone."

Ellie dialed Paige's cell, and hoped she was home. In the middle of the first ring, Paige answered.

"Hello?"

"Paige, it's Ellie. I'm at the hospital, and I ne-"

"Oh my God, Ellie, what happened? I saw your note, Marco's not home yet, but...What happened?"

"I'll tell you when you get here. I'm at the clinic about a mile away. Please bring me some clothes."

"Okay Ellie."

"Thanks Paige. Bye."

"Bye."

Ellie sat back down, feeling almost okay. Almost...


	3. Breathe Me

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, of course, I no own.

**AN: **Graphic self-mutilation, may trigger.

Aaaand, go!

Chapter 3

Breathe Me

Ellie sat in the chair by the phone, staring at her covered arm as she waited for Paige to arrive with her clothes and, most likely, many questions. _How could I do this again? _she thought. _Once Paige and Marco find out, they'll never leave me alone again._ She twiddled her thumbs, hoping she could hold off on explaining the cuts until she'd gotten some food or sleep. After The Unspeakable had happened, Ellie had not had either of the two. Suddenly, the doctor's figure appeared in the doorway.

"Ellie, your friends are here to see you. Are you ready for them?"

"Yes, please," she said with a hint of desperation in her voice. All she wanted was to see a friendly, familiar face. She heard two sets of footsteps, followed by silhouettes of a male and female. Until now, she hadn't noticed the passage of time. All she was aware of was the incident of the previous night, and its wreckage on her arm. But before she could blow her cover and look down to it, the silhouettes ran to her, pulling her into a hug. It pained her arm, but luckily they didn't see her wince. She was genuinely happy to see them, and was still smiling when they pulled away.

"El, what happened?" Marco asked, concerned. Ellie's smile dropped instantly, and her stomach seemed to as well. Remembering hurt her, and she hung her head. Marco placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Ellie, it's okay. We're here. You can tell us."

"J...Jesse..."

"What did he do to you? Ellie, he...he hit you?"

She shook her head.

"Oh my God...He raped you, didn't he?" Marco asked, his voice hardly above a whisper now.

She nodded as a tear began to slide down her cheek.

"Ellie, I am so sorry," Paige said, her voice breaking as she began to cry herself.

"It's okay, Paige. I'm alright," Ellie lied, and self-consciously touched her arm.

"Have you been cutting, Ellie?" Paige demanded.

Ellie wracked her brain for an answer.

"Ummm..."


	4. Get Your Head Straight

**Disclaimer: **As always, non-ownage.

**AN: **Sorry for taking so long, forgot my password for awhile, too egotistical to recover it until yesterday. But here we are, now let the show begin!

Chapter 4

Get Your Head Straight

Ellie didn't know what to say. She felt like she had betrayed the two people who cared for her most. She began to cry harder, wishing she could undo what had been done.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she said truly remorsefully.

"It's okay El, we're not mad. But why couldn't you come to us?" Marco asked, looking very concerned.

"I don't know, I...I just felt so alone, and no one was in when I got home, and I just didn't know what to do," she confessed.

"You could have called. I know what it's like when something like this happens. Remember?" Paige said.

"I know."

"Look, we're just glad you're safe now," Marco said caringly, pulling Ellie into a hug avoiding her arm. She smiled a tiny grin to know someone was looking out for her.

"Wait. How long ago did this happen, Ellie?" Paige asked.

"Not long. The doctor said she found evidence."

"Ellie! Do you know what this means?! You can press charges against that son of a --" Paige nearly yelled before she was interrupted.

"Not yet, Paige," Ellie said quietly.

Now Paige was angry.

"What do you mean, not yet? Ellie, Jesse raped you for God's sake!"

"Paige, calm down," said Marco, ever the level-headed one,"She said not yet. The rape kit will always be there, but Ellie needs time."

"Okay, okay. We'll talk about a trial when you're ready."

"Thank you guys. But there's one thing I'd like," Ellie proposed.

"Anything," Marco and Paige replied in unison.

"Take me home."

"Back to our place? Of cou--" Paige was cut off.

"No. Home. I don't want to stay with my mom, obviously, but there's someone I need to see."

"Ellie, I don't think that's such a good idea," Marco warned.

"Please? I just need to tie up some loose ends," Ellie pleaded.

"Okay. We'll take you there, if you're sure that's what you want," Marco assured.

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW! Sorry for the shortness, I really wanted to leave it there, but I feel long future chaps coming on...


End file.
